Musings and Snoozes

Parties, sleeping and being pretty damn awesome

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The hangover is gone and now I’m just waiting for the fibro part to kick in. I’m pretty sure I won’t get away with hours of drinking and dancing, not to mention falling over, without some sort of come back, but so far so good it seems. Considering I’m not generally one for work parties, I seem to have excelled myself on Friday and actually had a pretty good time. Work events are always interesting – they seem to be a general mix of finding out things you probably weren’t meant to know, while simultaneously trying not to say something you’ll regret come Monday morning. I’d like to think I did ok, but I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a little part of me that’s rather relieved it’s Labour Day tomorrow and therefore I won’t be in the office!

In other news, sleep is still not my friend, or rather it is between the hours of about 6am and midday, which isn’t ideal. I’m still trying to hold out for my hospital appointment at the end of September, rather than go pester my doctor as I’m pretty sure my medication needs reviewing anyway, but I’ll admit I’m rapidly losing patience. I’m just grateful for the US hours at the moment so I can at least get some sleep, rather than trying to get through a whole day’s work on sleep dep. On the plus side, the pain levels have been pretty good recently, so it’s only fog and fatigue I’m contending with. I can do one or the other, it’s when they both appear at the same time I’m in trouble.

That said, I had a pretty good chat with a friend who knows all about fibro and we decided that sometimes we need to take a step back and realise that actually, we’re kinda amazing. It’s easy to give in to being ill or to let it become an excuse for not living life to the full and don’t get me wrong, we can all have self indulgent days, but overall I can honestly say that I don’t let being ill stop me doing much. Sometimes admittedly maybe I should – knowing my limits is not my strong point after all – but equally I’ve gotten myself to a pretty good place in life and I’ve done it all while wanting to sleep almost constantly and chew painkillers by the packet load! So I think that’s probably worth a little bit of celebration. Nothing too energetic obviously, maybe just a slice of cake ๐Ÿ˜‰

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A little (and surprising) bit of bliss

So this….
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leads to this….

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…and apparently when you’ve lived here a year and the residents association trust you, you get access to it! Bloody amazing! It’s a beautiful piece of land with a gorgeous willow tree, a slide, and tennis courts. So now I can go wander down the track, maybe walk round a bit, sit and read under the willow, and then go to work. Amazing.

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Gym and house and garden and eeeeeee!

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So, contrary to all my moping yesterday, I got a good 5-6 hours sleep and decided sod it, I’m going to the gym if it kills me.

So I did. And it didn’t kill me. Shocking.

I took Jon for both moral and practical support, ie “aaaaggh buttons, how does this bloody machine work?!” and I think I managed to not make a tit of myself or pass out. Success.

Of course post gym required coffee and cake because hell, I deserved it, but that’s ok, baby steps.

Not only did I successfully survive the gym but I then came home and blitzed the house! I’m not quite sure what got into me, but I thought it was probably best not to question it. So now the house is beautiful AND, thanks to Jon and our amazing next door neighbour, WE HAVE A GARDEN!!!!! Anyone who has been to our house and seen the garden (and I use the term loosely) will know how bloody amazing this is. I don’t even know what to do, I just keep looking at it going “oh my god”. Both Jon and our neighbour (also called Jon) are absolutely awesome and I’m not quite sure how I’ll ever thank them, though I suspect beer and cake will be a good start.

So now I’m all showered and preened and heading off to dinner with Tess, knowing I’ll come back to an amazing husband, a pretty house and a bloody garden (not literally). You can’t actually wipe the smile off my face.

Amazing what a difference a day makes.

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Mopey mopey mope

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Moving, thinking, sleeping, talking, they’re all proving tricksy at the moment.

The sleep situation is improving slowly, but I’m not getting more than 3-4 hours a night. Consequently when I wake up I find I can’t physically get up and so I end up staying in bed half the day. If I thought it were doing any good I wouldn’t mind, but I can’t say as I feel any better for it. Plus I am utterly failing at getting anything productive done, such as cooking, cleaning, paperwork etc, so essentially I’m just doing a lot of fuzzy moping.

Coupled with this my aches and pains are changing and becoming more shooting than dull. I’m hoping it’s just a phase, probably related to the lack of sleep, but if not then it’s another thing to add to the list for my next hospital appointment *sigh*

On the plus side though, I did manage to venture out to Coombe Hill yesterday. It’s not much, but it’s the most amount of fresh air and nature I’ve had in a while! Plus there was an ice cream van at the end of it (because y’know, ice cream, lactose intolerant, totally fine). So I take these little pleasures where I can ๐Ÿ™‚

One more day of holiday left before heading back to work on Wednesday. I’m hoping for sleep tonight, then I can get up at a reasonable time tomorrow and actually do something with my day! Failing that so long as I’m up in time for dinner with Tess then I’ll call it a success.

In the meantime though, I’ll continue moping because some days, I just don’t want to move it move it.

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Musings and significantly less snoozes

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I had kinda hoped that the dulcet tones and emo sadness of Ryan Adams might lull me to sleep tonight. I’ll be honest, I’d even hoped that having the bed to myself and a distinct lack or husband related snoring might send me off to sleep. Even camomile tea and sleeping tablets! But alas no, it’s 3.30am and I’m once again still wide awake.

I used to get bouts of insomnia when I was in my teens (and better able to cope with it!) and I’m used to the odd sleepless night here and there, but after five nights. I’m beginning to lose the will a bit, especially as I can’t even find a pattern ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Originally I thought it might be work related. I’m thoroughly enjoying my new role, but it has been very full on, a fair bit of pressure, and I am desperate to do well and make sure this project works. So I thought maybe once my holiday started (Weds night) that I might switch off and chill, and I’ll be honest, I’m pretty sure I was in chill mode from about dinner break onwards, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.

As for tonight, I had such high hopes of finally getting a good night and being able to be fully awake and functioning tomorrow (or as much as general fibro meh allows) but since I definitely need to be up pre-lunch, I think I’ll just have to run on sleep dep and hope!

I should probably add this to the list of things to mention at the hospital next month, but I’m loathed to be stuck on more prescription drugs, which I suspect will be what’s on offer. Either that or camomile tea and meditation, both of which I’m already a pro at. Still, I made myself a promise to be more honest with my specialist, so if it continues to get more frequent, I’ll be good and have a whinge.

In other news…..actually I’m not sure I have other news! That’s what not sleeping does, dammit. Roll on the return of snoozes and some more exciting musings!

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Aah insomnia, how nice to see you

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I reckon I’d have been better off staying in the bath and falling asleep, since now it seems to be 2am and sleep is eluding me for the second night in a row.

The upside of course to all this, or at least the saving grace, is that I no longer have to get up for work at 6am, so snoozing well into the morning isn’t an issue. Not that it’s ideal either – I am still living under the illusion that I might make it to the gym one morning – but it is better than having to survive a day at work on no sleep whatsoever.

The work hours overall are suiting me down to the ground healthwise, and two weeks in, I’ve already had several compliments about how well I look and seem, so I must be doing something right. I still suffer from the same lack of energy by Thursday, but at least my body’s getting a bit more of a chance to recover, and I’m able to enjoy my weekends again without the worry of Monday morning.

That said, the recovery does rely on getting the sleep in the first place, so I should probably get back to counting sheep. One….two…..three…..

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