Musings and Snoozes

Self indulgent whimpering (no sympathy required)

on September 30, 2014


Is it wrong to be upset that I don’t have another diagnosis or any new medication? Logically I know it’s a good thing, I don’t want to be any more ill than I am, but that’s the problem: I am. I feel ten times worse than I did a year ago in terms of the pain, I’m just better at dealing with it. Which is good I suppose, I’m obviously not going to get any better, so I might as well just learn to suck it up and take more pain killers.

I’ve always known that fibromyalgia would be a case of treating the symptoms and not the cause. Maybe that’s why the promise of every new diagnosis seems tempting, in the hope that one will actually have a cure.

The bottom line is the same as it is for every invisible illness sufferer – I want something to show for my pain. I don’t look any different now to how I did when I walked into the hospital an hour and a half ago, yet thanks to the mega amounts of prodding and poking I’ve been subjected to, I now feel as though I’ve been run over by a bus. But nobody would know because nobody can see what all the little things do to me. The gentle tapping to check for numbness, the reflex checks on my knees, ankles, arms and wrists, the sitting while waiting for consults – it’s all so painful and while a ‘normal’ person would feel fine afterwards, it just leaves me in more pain than I was when I started.

The logical part of my brain knows I’m moping here and I will get over it and remember I’m lucky I can still walk, talk, function, go to work, see friends etc, but for now the other part wants to sit and wallow in a bowl of chocolate. So I might just go do that.


2 responses to “Self indulgent whimpering (no sympathy required)

  1. Carole says:

    I hear you…Catriona feels similarly with her invisible illness 😦

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