Musings and Snoozes

A picture tells a thousand words

image

I’ve been undecided for quite a while about posting this picture, but given the quite frankly shitty couple of days I’ve just had, it seems appropriate.

I’ve spent the last two days or so in bed, essentially comatose. Today I didn’t even know what day it was and so consequently missed my physio appointment completely. Oops. The pain yesterday meant I couldn’t stand up for more than about 10 minutes without being in agony, and today I’ve spent most of the time battling temperature issues, an ankle that won’t function properly and essentially back and neck pain that looks like the above picture.

But I look perfectly well. My back doesn’t look like that picture, you can’t see that my brain is having trouble processing what you’re saying, or that the lights and the noise around me are physically hurting. Tomorrow I will go back to work and look perfectly ok, and I will have no idea how to answer when people say “Oh what was wrong? Are you better now?” I’m not better, or rather I’m not recovered. Relatively speaking I’m better than yesterday, but I’m pretty sure that if anyone else felt like this, they wouldn’t be considering themselves “better”.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a mope, I’m not even feeling particularly down, I’m just acutely aware that no matter how hard I try, no matter how I attempt to explain the pain, I will never quite manage to get across just quite what it feels like to look this healthy on the outside and be so ill on the inside.

So the picture may not be pleasant, it’s probably not for the squeamish, but it’s a pretty accurate representation of what my body feels like. Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there. And after all, they do say a picture tells a thousand words.

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