Musings and Snoozes

Not broken, just power saving

on October 12, 2015

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I was going to blog about my current crippled state, but then I realised there’s not a lot to actually say about it. I did a teeny tiny bit of gardening yesterday, I looked after myself, took my medication, had a hot shower. This morning I couldn’t move. Sigh. It’s got a bit better as the day’s gone on, but I’m now back to small steps and no sudden movements. So that’s that.

I then came across the picture at the top and it’s remarkably similar to how Jon and I are spending our evening. He’s currently gaming with Matt via the magic of the interwebs, while I’ve made myself a bean bag blanket fort with the pooch, my phone, and a box of chocolates. And you know what, this works for us because we both understand what our complete opposite selves need.

During my pain therapy sessions a few weeks ago I brought up the fact that sometimes I say no to social things not necessarily because of my pain limitations, but because of how mentally tired I often am afterwards. My therapist just looked at me and said “I expect that’s because you’re an introvert”. I’ll be honest, I was all set to argue. After all I’m a people person, I’m good with people, I spend most of my time at work training or mentoring people – surely introverts are shy and awkward?! But no, the definition of an introvert is someone who regains their energy from being alone. I don’t think of all the definitions of my personality that there’s a truer one than this. We talked about it a lot over the following weeks, and I think understanding it, and consequently myself, has been the biggest part of my recovery so far.

Not that it’s all been peachy – I’ve also learnt that a huge amount of my low mood and anxiety issues are tied up with this too, and I’m slowly learning how much alone time is too much. It’s almost like filling a balloon with air – it’s all good until there’s that little bit too much and then pop, it explodes and falls apart.

I’ve actually been referred for further therapy to address these exact issues. I won’t lie, I’m terrified. After all, I’m totally fine in my blanket fort thank you very much. Except I know I’m not and that I have to learn to balance just how much recharging is too much, but I hope that with a bit of help I can learn to mange both the physical effects of whichever illness is wearing me down on a certain day, as well as the mental recovery too.

Tonight I’m happy with the pooch and my bean bag, but tomorrow I will get up and face the outside world again. Crippled status permitting of course….  🙂

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