Musings and Snoozes

It’s all about the balance

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Aaaah and I think we’re back to “normal”. Meds have been collected, more importantly they’ve been taken, and I think we’re back on track.

I’ve had an interesting week at work, causing chaos and just generally ruffling a few feathers, but it’s been really good to have something to focus on. Now I just have to apply the same motivation to everything else and get back on track with my exercise, my writing, the pooch etc. It’s rare I ever manage to get the balance right, but I need to be careful not to solely focus all this newfound energy on work, and remember to leave some of it for my poor friends and family.

So far I’ve spent Friday night working, Saturday snoozing, and today out with Max, so I think that’s an alright balance. Max now has a beautiful little tattoo on her ankle and I feel better for having had a lovely catch up with one of my best friends 🙂

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If in doubt

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Story of my life. As I’m banned from any more tattooing for now, I went to see Emzie to book Max’s instead. Might as well live vicariously through all my lovely friends! I have dyed my hair though – I felt in need of cheering up after work, so I mixed up some pink and purple and now I feel nice and refreshed.

On a more practical note, I pick up my meds tomorrow, thank god! I was going to go tonight, but I’d rather go to the pharmacy in Chalfont tomorrow as they’re usually the only place that can get everything. I envisage tomorrow and Thursday being pretty crappy in terms of side effects, but hopefully right as rain by the weekend 🙂

This week isn’t feeling as tough as last week, possibly due to a much-needed fab weekend, but I’ll be glad to get to the end of it! My patience is wearing thin already, and it’s only Tuesday, so if I want to make it to the weekend without ending up in jail, it better get a move on.

On that note, I’m going to go find some chocolate and curl up with the pooch 🐾

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“Ping!”, said the brain cell

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So I would totally be back to normal were I not still horribly under-medicated and still recovering from a pretty damn good weekend, BUT I don’t believe I’m quite as pissy as I was last week.

I had an utter light bulb moment this morning that I’m a bit ashamed I didn’t think of sooner. Having forgotten to drop my prescription off for over a week now, I suddenly remembered I could submit the damn thing online. Honest to god, how it’s taken me a week to come up with that, I don’t know. So I’m hoping it’ll be ready tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest. Of course now it’s been so long that when I do start taking it again I’m going to have the full blown side effects. Having done nausea to death this weekend (*shudder*), it’s not something I’m exactly relishing. Still, my own fault, right? To quote myself “what have we learned?”

On a more pleasant note, this frequent blogging malarky must be doing its job as after an unexpected conversation inspired me on Friday, I finally got back to writing properly. It’s only the beginning of something at the moment, but it’s nice to have the bug back and have something to focus on. It takes my mind off the withdrawal induced moping anyway, for which I think everyone can be grateful.

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Work, curry, friends, bliss 💕

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Sometimes things finally come together when you least expect it.

I’ve had a strange day. I woke up, snoozed through my alarm, panicked, showered, packed god knows what for coming to Shell’s (three pairs of pants, dry shampoo, and some tinsel it seems) and then headed off to work, running extremely late and being generally quite snoozy.

Got to work, inhaled coffee (one day they’ll just put a drip next to my desk… one day), remembered I had a tcon I’d completely forgotten about, and generally flailed around a bit.

The day thankfully improved from there. The forgotten tcon was actually quite good, the meeting later on in the day with our CEO was even better, and by the time 5pm rolled round, I was in a thoroughly good mood.

Much fun was had during dinner, my drive up here afterwards was pretty easy, and now I’m curled up in bed at Shell’s and thoroughly looking forward to this weekend.

It’s only taken a week to snap out of it, but I do believe I might be back to what passes for normal. Happy weekend guys 🙂

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Just keep swimming

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Yeh, that pretty much sums up my week. Probably not helped by the fact that I’ve now run out of the aforementioned medication. Oops. Couple that with my low tolerance levels anyway, and then throw in some bloody annoying people, and well suffice to say it’s a miracle I made it to Thursday really.

All that said, there have been some much needed good moments during my mopey week of meh. Here are some highlights:

*New phone! I had thought that one day I’d grow out of the excitement for new tech, but not yet it seems. I was doing very well with holding off on the new phone until my old one stopped charging. And cracked. And started freezing. And well then it was a done deal really.

*The feedback I’ve received at work this week has been pretty bloody awesome. I went into work this morning (feeling beyond meh) to find an email to my boss (with me in copy) entitled LAURA ROCKS. Honestly, by the time I’d read the multiple paragraphs of how I awesome I am, I had a little tear in my eye.

*My friends and family have kept me sane this week. I joke about murdering people and being pissy and all, but honestly, it’s been a tough week. It’s been particularly hard because I don’t really know where it’s all come from. I had much needed time off work, got my new bit of tattoo, had a lovely weekend with family, a fab time at the xmas party, so I don’t really know what’s gone wrong. But amongst it all, I have so many people to keep me upright (sometimes literally, as well as figuratively) and I’m forever grateful!

*And finally, though it hasn’t happened yet, I’m off to Shell and Matt’s for the weekend. It is impossible not to be in a good mood about that, and a weekend with them never fails to make me feel better.

So mopey though I may be, not to mention slightly murderous, my head is still above water and hopefully by the time the weekend starts, the rest of me might be too. Lord knows nobody needs another week of pissy Lizard, that’s for sure….!

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Out of order, back soon

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This is not a good week to be a lizard to be honest. I’m not quite sure what’s going on, but I’m exhausted, irritable, sad, and pissy.

Thankfully I have awesome people in my life who make it all OK, regardless of how bad I feel, and quite honestly my friends and family are keeping me going this week.

So apologies for the lack of writing and the couple of skipped days. Call it a temporary hiatus and I’ll be back soon, just as soon as I wake up!

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Beware of the dragon

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Today, today I’m pissy, there are no two ways about it. I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, the end of my period, the thought of a five day week at work, or what, but in all honesty the majority of the world can do one today.

Contrary to what Jon might tell you, I don’t often get like this, and I certainly don’t often let it affect me through work. I usually mope around a bit, have a snooze or a bath, eat some chocolate and I’m ok. But today has been like this since the moment I got up, and that has meant my patience has worn thin most of my working day and quite frankly, it’s a miracle I didn’t commit murder at any point between the hours of 9 and 5. Which is lucky really, since as mum pointed out, she doesn’t have the bail money this side of payday to save me.

I’ve had a bath, tried reading, looked at pretty pictures, and considered chocolate, and really, I could still happily shut the world out. I’m sure I’ll snap out of it, but in the meantime if you need me…. well yeh, I just wouldn’t.

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Time for tea

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There is very little better in this world than afternoon tea. There’s something so satisfying about the stands of cake and sandwiches, and all the teapots lined up. I think it’s one of those little British things that makes me proud.

And that’s how I’ve spent my afternoon – celebrating mum in law’s birthday with tea and cake. It’s clearly taken it right out of me as I’ve spent the last two hours fast asleep on the sofa – oops!

So short and sweet though this may be, I’m going to leave it here and take myself off to bed. More substantial posting to follow tomorrow, probably!

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Party time lizard!

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So it’s probably for the best that I didn’t blog last night. Drunk and at the work Christmas party wouldn’t have made for the best combination.

But I did have a fab time! Considering I’d spent all day lazing on the sofa, not to mention falling asleep when I should have been meeting Jon for coffee, it’s a miracle I even made it. I won’t lie, I went through every scenario in my head as to how I could get out of it and just stay at home, but not wanting to be a party pooper and let Jess down, I made it. And I’m bloody glad I did. I had a fab night dancing, drinking, chatting, laughing and generally just remembering how to let my hair down and have fun 🙂

Of course this morning was a slightly different story. My banging headache woke me up at 6am and I spent the next couple of hours thinking I might die. Nothing like a bit of morning after melodrama. I made myself get up, take some tablets, drink, brush my teeth, and even did a bit of gentle yoga, and actually I did feel quite a bit better afterwards. Not enough to get up – that came at about half two when the pooch decided she couldn’t wait any longer to pee – but I’ve slowly got going and I might well be back to vaguely human state by morning.

In the meantime there is some mild death, happy memories, a sore head, and a sleepy lizard.

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Inky love and pain relief

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I am one of those strange people who quite enjoys the pain of tattoos. Admittedly today’s little session to add extra swirls to my shoulder was so quick it was almost over in a blink of an eye, but it’s still a ritual (for want of a better word) that I enjoy.

Having done a bit of research on the links between chronic pain (lupus, fibromyalgia, MS etc) and the tattoo process, I have at least learnt that I am very much not alone in how I feel. The two types of pain are extremely different, and one can relieve, albeit temporarily, the other.

I remember when I went and got my wrist tattoo a few years ago – it was my first tattoo since being diagnosed and I was absolutely terrified that I wouldn’t be able to cope, or that the trauma on my body (and I use the term trauma medically here) would be too much and I’d go into a flare up. But quite the opposite. The pain itself at the time was so sharp and so different to my usual aches and pains that it almost felt pleasant. Couple that with the sheer amount of adrenaline and endorphins that run through your body, and I remember for the first time feeling oddly pain free. The healing process was remarkably smooth and I spent weeks waiting for the horrible come down and the dreaded flare up to come. But it didn’t.

When I got my shoulders and side done, it was much the same. More pain (I freely admit to not particularly enjoying the pain down my side and under my boob *shudder*), but the relaxation I generally feel in the chair and consequently my headspace, is pretty pleasant. I had more healing issues with these ones (you don’t realise quite how much you move your shoulders around until someone’s jabbed needles and ink in them for 2 hours), but again, the dreaded flare up and side effects never appeared.

And so to today. I’m currently under a slight ban from two things – one is going into New Look, and two is spending all my non existent money on tattoos. The former is hard enough, the latter is torture. And so I like to think that for the first time in my life, I’ve sort of compromised. My shoulder and wrist tattoos will join up one day, creating winding vines and flowers all around my arm, but in the meantime I’m just adding little bits here and there. For months now the very top part of my tattoo has been frustrating me as it doesn’t come quite as far over my shoulder as I’d have liked, and so in half an hour and for a very reasonably small amount of money, the lovely Emzie has added just enough new ink to my body to keep me going for another few months.

So here I am, a bit sleepy after the adrenaline comedown, but relatively pain free and thoroughly pleased with my newly acquired swirly shizz. Pain might not be for everybody, but for someone who spends 95% of her life in pain, trust me when I tell you that this strange little inky phenomenon is one of the best remedies I currently have 🙂

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