Musings and Snoozes

She loves from the depths of her soul

on June 10, 2016

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Falling in love with Jon was the easiest thing in the world. We joke that all he had to do was say hi and that was it, I was head over heels, but it’s not that far off the truth – something which he likes to continually tease me about of course. If you’d have asked me before though, I’d have told you that love was meant to be hard, it was meant to be something that felt like work, and not what it really is – the most natural thing in the world.

I fall in love far too easily, quite literally in a heartbeat sometimes. Not always the same kind of love and not always with a person, but when I love, be it a friend, a song, a city, an idea, I love intensely. I don’t have a happy medium – I’m an all or nothing kind of girl.

And that goes for my life as a whole – it’s why trying to manage three chronic illnesses is a nightmare. By the very nature of what they do to me, the way to stay healthy (ish) is to stay on an even keel, to do things in moderation, to keep my emotions in check and never do too much or too little. You might as well be speaking Chinese as far as my mind is concerned, and it’s why I end up on the edge of a flare up at any given time.

Would I change it? Sometimes. It’s hard work feeling everything so intensely all of the time. I even feel the nothingness just as much as the other plethora of emotions. But it’s real and it’s life, and I don’t think I’d want to miss out on the intensity of it all – sure it would be easier and less tiring, but it would also just be….less.

And so I just have to remember to take time out and to look after me. To take all the feelings and emotions, sit back and pick them out one by one, and reset myself to start again. It’s easier said than done, but I will make life work for me. And if I happen to fall in love with you along the way, well then enjoy every intense moment of it with me.

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