Musings and Snoozes

Project “Look after Lizard” 

on September 19, 2016

I left work on time. That is today’s mega “look after lizard” achievement. 
Honestly, I was surprised at how hard it was. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t stay out of duty, for my management, or to be a martyr and able to say “look how late I stayed!”. I do it because I genuinely love what I do. Like every role, there are some bits more enjoyable than others, but overall I have a passion for what I do. 

But, like everything, there comes a point when passion becomes a little overwhelming and the balance is tipped. I’m also aware that while I do love my job, I also over compensate for my illness. Perception is something I’m aware of constantly, and my continual worry is that I’ll be perceived as being ill, being sick all the time, being weak, and so I go to the other end of the scale to prove everyone otherwise. Of course realistically, I’m not sure anyone thinks that of me, but just in case, I’ll prove them wrong all the same. 

You’re probably at this point thinking I’m crazy, but when I do manage to keep the balance right between passion and a nervous breakdown, it actually keeps me in  a very good place. I do well at work, not as well as I’d always like, but there’s an enormous self-satisfaction to be had from doing a good job and seeing hard work pay off. I thrive on it and I need it – it makes up a huge part of me. 

But sometimes enough is enough. Sometimes I have to take a step back and focus on me for a bit, else there’ll be no “me” left to continue doing what I love so much. So that’s what I did tonight. It’s been hard to switch off, but I’ve occupied myself with baking, taking the pooch on a quick stroll, and booking in some regular spa time. 

I can still love my job, I can still be passionate about what I do, but I can also be passionate about me. And I’m learning. I’m not there yet, but with daily reminders from friends and family, I got this. Probably. 

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