Musings and Snoozes

There is peaceful, there is wild. I am both at the same time. 

on October 31, 2016

I’m made up of all kinds of contradictions, but never more so than when it comes to people. I’m an introvert who loves people, but only on my terms, and only with an escape route.

I can, and often do, talk for hours with the right people. Others will struggle to get two words out of me. Equally, I’ll happily sit in comfortable silence with some of the closest people in my life, yet with others I’ll feel the need to fill that every gap, heaven forbid I be judged on what I’m not saying

Some days just being around people keeps me grounded and connected to the world. Others, like today, the mere sound of grating voices is enough to make me want to beat them with the aforementioned wings. 

Put me in front of a room full of people and ask me to speak, present, teach, train, and I’m at my happiest. Put me in a group and make me participate and there are times I’d rather the room just disappeared. 

Sometimes I need people. Sometimes I need the time alone with a cup of coffee to recharge. Though even then I’d always rather be surrounded by other people, even if I have my headphones in and the world tuned out. There’s a comfort to be found in introverting around others. By the very definition of the notion it should be a contradiction in itself, and yet it works. 

 I feel that need to escape, but to escape amongst a world of other people and conversations. Finding new parts of myself in others, and yet at the same time rediscovering parts of me that I don’t focus on enough. 

Balance. Like everything, it comes down to balance. A skill I am forever learning, but one that when I get it right, everything just falls into place. Being a contradiction may be confusing, and it may not always be comfortable, but when those two sides match up, it’s the most peaceful feeling in the world. 


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