Musings and Snoozes

Sky above, Earth below, Peace within

on December 18, 2016

OK, let’s just stop, and breathe. Just for five minutes. Tell myself it’ll all be OK, and that there’s an end to all this crazy stress and anxiety. 

I’ve been putting off blogging for a while, mostly because I’m so overwhelmed that I haven’t been able to manage much more than “gaaah” or “uggh” for a few days now, and they don’t make for the most interesting of posts, let’s be honest. But maybe if I try to empty my head a little, things won’t seem so bad. 

And actually, let’s get one thing straight here, things are not actually bad. Yes certain things are stressing me out -work, not feeling ready for Christmas,  study – but nothing is actually bad. I have incredibly amazing friends and family, work is only challenging because of certain relationships, not the work itself, and by the wonders of Amazon Prime and the joys of the Internet, Christmas will be more than fine and everyone will get a present. 

So I need to cut myself some slack, be kind to myself, accept that most healthy people are bloody shattered at this time of year, doing all this while being ill is actually quite an achievement in itself, and I should be proud of what I manage to do, given certain limitations. 

I spend so long making sure that no one sees how ill I am, that I can forget myself, and I probably need to acknowledge it a little more. I reached breaking point at work this week and it wasn’t until I put into words how I felt and had someone actually say to me “Laura, you’re incredible” that I took a step back and realised that if other people can acknowledge it then so should I. Of course reaching that realisation meant I burst into tears but hey, even that’s therapeutic sometimes.

So here I am again at another year end, and I have a lot of changes to make come January . Priorities need to change and I probably need to acknowledge myself as one of those priorities. But equally I’ve come a long way in the last 12 months and I should remember that. Just because the last few weeks have been hard, it doesn’t negate all the amazing ways in which I’ve achieved the rest of the year. 

And so that’s what I’m going to go focus on. Five minutes peace to sit and reflect on this year and how far I’ve come. I deserve it.

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