Musings and Snoozes

Breathe and Accept

on May 17, 2017

I keep telling everyone that I probably can’t use jet lag as an excuse for being so exhausted now, since I arrived back nearly 5 whole days ago, but what I keep forgetting is just how much the Lupus etc plays a part. Just like having a simple cold, or doing one too many things at a weekend, the after effects can stay for several days after. 

So I confess, I’m shattered. And this isn’t a request for sympathy, more a reminder to myself that it’s normal for me to feel like this. It’s expected that an 18 hour journey, plus time difference thrown in too, will knock me for six a bit. Not to mention lugging two suitcases (*cough* shopaholic *cough*). Normal people get jet lag, so it’s no surprise that 5 days later, I’m not back at my best. 

Not that that helps when I have my final essay of the year to be writing, work to catch up on, friends to see, and a pooch to look after. Oh and a husband who probably deserves more than just the flailing and mumbling in his general direction that he’s been getting this week. But maybe it would help if I let go of the guilt that goes with feeling like this. That feeling of ‘I’ve just come back from an amazing holiday, I’m all refreshed and happy, but oh dear god why do I need to sleep so much?’ If I can really focus on allowing myself to accept that this is OK, then I can almost guarantee I’ll find the tiredness improves dramatically.

So baby steps. Allowing myself to feel is one. Accepting it’s ok is another. And the biggest step of all to me today – I parked in the disabled spaces at work this morning. I *never* do that. After all, my car is so recognisable that everyone knows it’s me who’s parked there, and while I’m happy to talk about my various illnesses, admitting to the word disability and everything that comes with it is extremely hard for me. But I needed it, and that one little thing made such a difference to getting through my day. 

So I’m OK. I’m happy. I’m still refreshed. I’m just really bloody tired with it. And I still don’t want to write my essay….! 


One response to “Breathe and Accept

  1. Jackie says:

    Go you for using the disabled parking! I am like you and often find myself extra tired after trips, no matter how enjoyable or relaxing they were. I hope you’re able to be kinder to yourself about needing to take things slow while you recover.

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