Musings and Snoozes

Get back up and start again 

on October 8, 2017

I lied, I’m back before Winter. I have the writing bug back, and I’m a little bit ill, so here I am again.

I was right, I was on the edge of a flare up. I was just wrong about being on the way out of it. I finally admitted defeat yesterday, cancelled my plans (which always hurts), and slept for about 18 hours solid, only waking up for coco pops and to remember to drink. And for the most part, I feel better today. My body still aches all over, bizarrely my face in particular, which is quite frankly weird and annoying, but I’m able to stay awake today and I’ve even managed to drive for coffee. Priorities of course.

Now I just have to focus on what’s next. If I do what I usually do and rush back into life then I’ll just be back here again in a few weeks. So I need a plan. A realistic one, and one that still includes going to work, since that is pretty much non-negotiable at the moment. So looking at my worryingly busy calendar for the next few weekends, it’s easy to see that I need to be kinder to myself during the week. BUT that does not mean coming home, monging on the sofa, getting pissy that I’m monging on said sofa, and going to bed. That is my fastest way of spiralling into depression, so this is my promise to myself that one night will involve taking the pooch for a stroll, and one night will involve taking myself out for coffee and writing. I have utterly abandoned my writing in the last six months, both on here and the other stuff I do, and I need to get back to it. Along with that, I will shower and change when I get home from work. It’s a little thing, but it’s the best piece of advice my therapist ever gave me, and I really should listen.

So three things. That’s all. Pooch, writing, shower. It’s not much, although it feels like a mountain right now, but it’s a start and I’m stubborn, so I’m doing this. 

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