Musings and Snoozes

Sometimes you just have to Eeyore 

on January 11, 2018

I’m pretty down today. I realise I don’t often admit that. I write about the what’s and how’s and sometimes the why’s, but I rarely just say, I feel pretty sad.

Today hasn’t gone as planned. After almost a week of being pretty much bed/sofa ridden with a cold and cough, I finally started to feel a little better yesterday. My sinuses have eased so my face doesn’t feel like it’ll explode, I can breathe without choking everyone in a ten mile vicinity with olbas oil, and while I still sound like a croaky frog, the cough is tolerable. So I went to bed last night feeling pretty positive. 

7am this morning and I hadn’t slept a wink. Not because of pain, or being ill, or even anxiety. I just couldn’t get my head to shut up at all, and so by 2am I gave up and read a book until the early hours.

But that wasn’t the plan. It was a good book, but not the plan. The plan was to get up, go to Starbucks, get a few hours work done, and then come home and dial into my afternoon calls. Of course instead, my body decided that 7am was a fine time to fall asleep at last, and I’ve lost almost the entire day. I’ve done no work and missed my calls. And that makes me angry and frustrated, and more importantly a little sad. I know it’s just my sleep dep making it worse and still being ill, but it makes the “what’s the point?” thoughts creep in, closely followed by the guilt and worry that people will think I’m lazy or not good at my job.

It’ll pass, I know it will. And I’ll head to Starbucks in a bit and probably spend the early evening working from there with a coffee in hand, but I just thought it was worth writing about being sad for a change. I concentrate so hard on the physical, and even the anxiety, that sometimes I forget that this is a feeling too and if nothing else, it’s worth acknowledging. 

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