Musings and Snoozes

Somewhere between stubborn and organised

on February 23, 2019

There’s a lot to be said for being surrounded by people who, even if they can’t know how you feel, do what they can to empathise and learn how to help. I’m incredibly lucky to have several people who I know I can go to when one or other of my illnesses gets bad, and honestly when one of them says “I was looking up X on the internet…..” my heart melts a little.

I’ve been so overwhelmed by my up and down mental health over the last few months that my physical health has taken a bit of a backseat. Which is not a complaint – being depressed *and* in the middle of a Flare is not something I relish – but it means that when one of my other illnesses does start to play up, I find I’ve almost forgotten how to deal with it. The pain and fatigue are there every day, so it’s not like it ever truly goes away, but it has been pretty manageable for the last few months, so much so that when my body started really letting me know how it felt this last week or so, it came as a bit of a shock. Getting out of bed this morning, my back, shoulders, and hips just refused to work properly – this hasn’t happened for a while, and I can safely say I haven’t missed it! With some gentle stretching and a handful of pain meds it eased up enough to be only mildly inconvenient and I could get on with my day.

I’m pretty sure I can avoid a full on Flare if I’m careful. And I need to be careful – I’ve got a four day work trip starting on Monday, so any kind of flare up can absolutely do one. So I’m in battery saver mode now. Just like when your phone turns off all the non-essential functions and conserves what little energy is left, this is exactly what I’m doing. Admittedly one of my non-negotiable, critical tasks today was to head to Dominique Ansel to get Cronuts, BUT, that’s all I went for – instead of spending the day in London like I’d originally planned, I came back as soon as I’d had some proper food for lunch and had my Cronuts safely in my hands. I also have an entire bag of goodies for a perfectly pampered evening – beautiful smelling bath bubbles, three different hair dyes (because decision making is not my strong point), a face mask, and clean pyjamas. Bliss.

Tomorrow I need to pack and locate my passport (it’s around somewhere……), ready to leave for Budapest on Monday evening. Travelling is always incredibly tiring, and travelling for work even more so, so I’ve done everything I can to make it as easy as possible. I don’t want to have to wait around for my bags, so I’m only taking hand luggage. This is fine, but when I have to remember to take out my laptop and my millions of clear plastic bottles of make up and shampoo at Security (as well as taking off my boots and jacket of course), I always end up trying to gather everything up at the other end, and awkwardly holding at least five different things, half of which are too heavy, and before I’ve even got on the plane, I’m feeling it. I am determined to be super organised this time and make it easier on myself – I’ve made sure I have everything I need today, as opposed to at 7pm tomorrow when all the shops are shut and I’ve run out of time. I want to be able to sleep well tomorrow night, not lie awake thinking about all the things that I should have done and what I’m going to do about the things I haven’t. I want to wake up on Monday morning, grab my already packed bags, head to the office and calmly get my taxi to the airport. An alien prospect to me – I am the least organised, most anxious person 99% of the time – but just this one time, it would be nice to feel smugly in control. I’ll be sure to report back how it goes……!


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