Musings and Snoozes

Can’t come soon enough

on February 3, 2013

One week and 2 days until my hospital appointment and it can’t come soon enough. I don’t even know what I’m expecting to get out of it, but it’ll just be nice to feel I’m getting somewhere with all this. At the moment I know I feel rubbish, but I’ve no real idea of what to do to help improve things or how careful I should be being in terms of not doing too much, but also at what point do I have to make myself do things even if I feel I can’t?! I just need some sort of guidance about how to manage this overall and really, I suppose I’d like some reassurance that it’s ok to not be able to move off the sofa and that sometimes I legitimately need to do nothing. Funnily enough, doing nothing is something I think I’m really good at, but actually I’m rubbish at it. Firstly I’ve still yet to get an idea of how much is too much – there are days when I think that a bit of coffee and shopping will be fine, when in actual fact it absolutely kills me. Secondly when I do admit that I need to do vey little, I just end up feeling guily and that I’m being a bit pathetic and that I’m not really ill. I suppose that’s it really, I’d just like somebody to write me a note that says I’m not being a wuss, I really am ill and that I should be excused from life every now and again. Sadly I don’t think that’s exactly what’s going to come of my appointment, but it might be a step in the right direction in terms of me accepting that it’s ok to feel a bit of a mess sometimes!

Anyway, ramble over, what would help is if I actually went to bed and tried to get some sleep!

Night all x

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